long lost valentine

a sappy sapphic little piece for you

Public displays of affection by Ananda

I never much cared

for Valentine’s day, until

I briefly lost you

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We were arguing on the phone.

Well, I wanted us to argue because I was feeling frustrated with our relationship.

I wanted us to discuss it even if it lead us into an argument.

That’s when you cut me off and asked me to “open the door.”

‘Is she here?’ I thought to myself as I rushed to the door and was handed a gift box by a delivery guy.

The conversation was forgotten and now I’m unwrapping the gift with sparkles in my eyes.

Red roses, incense wood, and…a watch?

Oh.

Not any watch, this is a men’s watch.

It’s chunky, silver and too big for my wrist.

I love it.

“It’s because you like masculine stuff,” you said.

My heart melts.

‘I love you.’

(pinterest)

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I have to take you back to day one.

We were walking to the grocery store on a grey and cloudy day.

I wore a black puffer jacket, grey sweats and of course, socks with slippers.

I still remember the chuckle you gave out as you took a picture of me and called me a “roadman.”

“You know, you’re pretty androgynous,” you said matter-of-factly.

“Oh? Androgynous. I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah, you mesh feminine and masculine well.”

I’m pretty sure I was beaming when you said that. I have never felt so accepted and seen before this moment. It was a good day. One I will most likely never forget.

That’s how I identified the way I presented since.

Very ‘David Bowie’ they call it but I called it ‘androgynous’. The word tastes delicious on my tongue because it feels just right.

Well, that was before you only liked the masculine part so you could feel feminine next to me and I would get called the “man.”

Sigh.

That’s not why we’re here today.

Let’s keep this sweet.

You told me I look like a ‘Prince Charming’ once which I adored — wrote it in my journal and everything.

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Valentines day

(pinterest)

You said I love you three times in your message

and I only said it once, resentfully, in the letters.

Our last time together, we got chocolate covered strawberries and crepes.

We took silly 0.5 pictures and cuddled.

But I don’t like who I am with you.

You made me weak.

you’ve an ‘actual man’ now though.

Tell me, are you still with him?

Well, good luck trying to make him know you like I did.

chuckle.

- In Your Eyes by BADBADNOTGOOD (feat. Charlotte Day Wilson)

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wrote this on a whim so it’s not necessarily my best work. love exists in many different forms — not just romantically. for instance, I love this app and the beautiful queer community it has given me.

happy valentines day to all of you wonderful people!

thank you for being the lovely people that you’re <3

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thank you for reading! until next time xx